Effective and Non-Effective Communication
Assertiveness Group Project
Non-effective communication patterns that you may recognize
One type of non-assertive behavior that affects communication is the passive pattern.
With passive behavior you avoid saying what you want, think, or feel. Passive-behavior
people frequently use hidden meanings, vague words, or silence in communication. People
who use passive behavior want to please and to be liked but they often feel anxious,
manipulated and disappointed with their self.
Passive people want someone to guess or somehow "know" what they want. They often use
soft voices or whispers and avert their eyes They appear tense and uncomfortable during
communication attempts. They avoid unpleasant situation, conflicts, short-term tensions,
and confrontations. They also don't take responsibility for their choices.
Passive behavior usually doesn't work well. Passive-behavior people don't get what they want.
Their anger builds up and they are liable to take it out on others who are less powerful.
They often procrastinate, suffer in silence, do things half-heartedly, or become forgetful.
Others manipulate them. Loneliness and isolation may become common in their life.
Another type of non-assertive behavior is called aggressive behavior. The aggressive person
says what they want, think, and feel, but at the expense of others. They use loaded words and
"you" statements that label or blame. They may employ threats or accusation and one-upmanship.
Aggressive people hurt others by making choices for them and infantilizing them. Others feel they
have a right to get even. Aggressive people have increasing difficulty with relaxing and unwinding.
Aggressive people obtain their goals by domination or humiliation. They feel self-righteous,
controlling and superior. Sometimes they feel embarrassed or selfish later.
The aggressive person often makes an exaggerated show of strength. They may be loud, cold and
demanding. They may have cold eyes that almost see through the other person. They may take a
"macho" stance and invade others' personal space. They are tense and they appear angry.
While aggressive people feel in control and superior, they often make others feel humiliated, depreciated
or hurt. Others may resent, distrust or fear the aggressive individual. Or they may want revenge.
What is effective communication?
Effective communication occurs when two people can convey their needs or wants to each other,
without manipulation or intimidation. Effective communication can be an open, non-emotional way
of dealing with day-to-day issues that could possibly otherwise cause friction between people, thus
elevating the interpersonal stress level in the workplace.
Effective communication frequently requires the use of assertive communication techniques. Assertive
communication refers to a pattern of behavior in which you say what you honestly want, think, and feel
in direct and helpful ways. You communicate with tact and humor. You use "I" statements. Your words
are clear and objective, few and well chosen.
Assertive behavior is advantageous because you often get what you want if it is reasonable. You
often achieve your goals. You gain self-respect. The situation outcome is determined by above-board
negotiations. Your rights and others' rights are respected. The goal of assertive communication is
to communicate and be respected.
With assertive communication, you listen closely to others. Your manner is calm and assured. You
look directly at the other person without staring. You are relaxed with a calm expression.
With practice, assertive communication makes you feel good because you are respected and confident.
Your relationships with others improve. Your stress level is decreased. Others feel respected by you
and feel free to express themselves to you because they know where you stand.
Suggested Reading
Alberti, Robert & Emmons, Michael. Your Perfect Right: A Guide to Assertive Living.
5th ed. San Luis Obispo, CA: Impact Publishing, 1986.
Fisher, Roger & Ury, William. Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement
Without Giving In. New York: Penguin, 1981.
Hocker, Joyce & Wilmot, William. Interpersonal Conflict. 2nd ed. Dubuque,
IA: Wm. C. Brown. 1985.
Semlak, William. Conflict Resolving Communication: A Skill Development Approach.
Prospect Heights, IL: Waveland Press, 1982.
Assertiveness Practice
WORKING WITH YOUR GROUP, DESCRIBE A SITUATION (EITHER FICTIONAL OR REAL), IN WHICH THERE IS A POSSIBILITY OF CONFRONTATION. THIS CAN BE IN THE WORKPLACE OR OUTSIDE THE WORKPLACE.
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EXCHANGE PAPERS WITH ANOTHER GROUP. USING THE GIVEN SITUATION, DECIDE HOW TO HANDLE IT IN AN ASSERTIVE STYLE, AND BY CONTRAST, IN ONE OF THE LESS EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION STYLES.
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Beth Ann Leaf
Resource Specialist
CIAESC
For comments, suggestions, and/or ideas please email
Beth Ann Leaf.
