Ways to Deal with Tension
Here are eleven suggestions from the National Association for Mental Health on how to deal with tension.
1. Talk it out. When something worries you, don't bottle it up. Confide your
worry to some level-headed person you can trust -- your partner, father or mother, a
good friend, a member of the clergy, your family doctor, a teacher, school counselor
or dean. Talking things out helps to relieve strain, helps to see worry in a clearer
light, and often helps determine what to do about it.
2. Escape for a while. Sometimes, when things go wrong, it helps to escape from
the painful problem for a while. Lose yourself in a movie, book, or game. Or take a
brief trip for a change of scene. Making yourself stand there and suffer is a form of
self-punishment, not a way to solve a problem. But be prepared to come back and deal
with your difficulty when you are more composed.
3. Work off your anger. If you feel like lashing out at someone who has provoked you,
try holding off that impulse for a while. Meanwhile, do something constructive with the pent-up
energy. Pitch into some physical activity like gardening, cleaning out the garage, carpentry, or
some other do-it-yourself project. Or work it out in tennis or a long walk.
4. Give in occasionally. If you find yourself getting into frequent quarrels with people,
and feel obstinate and defiant, remember that that's the way frustrated children behave. Stand
your ground on what you know is right, but do so calmly and make allowance for the fact that you
could turn out to be wrong. And even if you are dead right, it's easier on your system to give
in once in a while. If you yield you'll usually find that others will, too.
5. Do something for others. If you feel yourself worrying about yourself all the time,
try doing something for somebody else. You'll find this will take the steam out of your worries
and even give you a feeling of accomplishment.
6. Take one thing at a time. For people under tension, an ordinary work load sometimes seems
unbearable. When that happens, remember that it's a temporary condition and you can work your way
out of it. The surest way to do this is to take a few of the most urgent tasks and pitch into them,
one at a time, setting aside all the rest for the time being. Once you dispose of these you'll see
that the remainder are not such a horrible mess after all.
7. Shun the Superman/Superwoman urge. Some people expect too much from themselves, and get
into a constant state of worry and anxiety because they think they are not achieving as much as they
should. No one can be perfect in everything. Decide which things you do well, then put your major
effort into these. They are apt to be the things you like to do and those that give you the most satisfaction.
8. Go easy with criticism. Some people expect too much from others, and then feel frustrated,
let down, disappointed, even trapped when another person does not measure up. The other person may be
a husband or a child whom we are trying to fit into a preconceived pattern, perhaps even trying to make
over to suit ourselves. Remember, each person has his/her own virtues, shortcomings, values, and right
to develop as an individual. Instead of being critical about the other person's behavior, search out
the good points and help the person develop them.
9. Give the other person a break. When people are under emotional tension, they often feel that
they have to get there first, to edge out the other person, no matter if the goal is as trivial as getting
ahead on the highway. If enough of us feel that way, and many of us do, then everything becomes a race in
which somebody is bound to get injured physically, as on the highway, or emotionally and mentally. It need
not be this way. When you give the other person a break, you very often make things easier for yourself.
If they no longer feel you are a threat to them, they stop being a threat to you.
10. Make yourself available. Many of us have the feeling that we are being left out, slighted,
neglected, or rejected. Often, we just imagine that other people feel this way about us, when in reality
they are eager for us to make the first move. It may be that we are depreciating ourselves. Instead of
shrinking away and withdrawing, it is much healthier, as well as more practical to make yourself available,
to make some of the overtures instead of waiting to be asked.
11. Schedule your recreation. Many people drive themselves so hard that they allow themselves too
little time for recreation, an essential for good physical and mental health. They find it hard to make
themselves take time out. For such people a set routine and schedule will help, a program of definite hours
when they will engage in some recreation. And, in general, it is desirable for almost everyone to have a hobby,
an activity that can involve a person, provide a certain amount of pleasure and help him/her forget about work.
Beth Ann Leaf
Resource Specialist
CIAESC
For comments, suggestions, and/or ideas please email Beth Ann Leaf.
